You are at the Long Expected Party. A pretty young hobbit girl gives you the eye. Do you:

Give it straight back, with interest.
Wonder why there are no Men in Hobbiton.
Think, "You can never find a gardener when you need one ..."
Stammer, blush, and hide under the nearest trestle table.


You are in a cornfield with Sam. Do you:

Get him to identify the exact genus of the corn.
Hope he doesn't get familiar cos he has callused hands.
Hope he does get very familiar cos he has callused hands.
Sigh and wish Hobbiton was a bit more cosmopolitan.


You are at the Prancing Pony in Bree. Do you:

Worry about all these very big men clutching all these ferrets.
Admire the way in which Sam holds that pint, wrapping his hands around the tankard.
Admire the Man in the corner with the blazing ember.
Look for a barmaid.

You are at Weathertop being attacked by Nazgul. Do you:

Feel a bit queasy cos you just saw Merry and Pippin in a lip lock.
Drop your sword and fall over before they even arrive.
Have a quick shag with Sam before it's too late.
Pray for Strider to return with his very big sword.

You are on a horse with Arwen Undomiel. Do you:

Have a crafty grope because you can.
Try to be brave and hold out for Strider's hot loving.
Do nothing:  you are poorly sick, and dying.
Grab hold of Sam and drag him along behind you.

You are in a gigantic bed in Rivendell. Do you:

Snuggle down for a good long convalescence.
Stuff a sock down your pants just in case Arwen Undomiel pops by.
Enquire if Sam can possibly bring in a selection of root vegetables to aid your recovery.
Send a message to Strider to come quick (or slow).
 

You are on a snowy mountain pass. Do you:

Feel grateful that the snowflakes will contrast prettily with your ebony hair.
Wish you had a layer of Sam's body fat to keep you warm.
Wish you had the benefit of Boromir's long legs to keep you above the snow line or just to have them in general.
Wonder what Arwen Undomiel is wearing right now.

You are in the Mines of Moria. Do you:

Think of your childhood dog, Fleabag, when you look at all those bones.
Decide to give the Ring to Gollum if he asks for it cos he has scary eyes and he had it first anyway.
Wonder what, if Boromir and Aragorn were slices of bread, it would be like to be a hobbit sandwich.
Plan to bed down with Sam in arch number 69 and count bricks together.

You are in Lothlorien. Do you:

Wonder if anyone has a decent mirror so you can sort out your hair cos that Galadriel is a bit of alright.
Engage Sam in a conversation about mallorn trees and elanor flowers so he won't leave you alone, cos Haldir is a bit stern.
Engage Sam against the mallorn trees and among the elanor flowers.
Wonder if Aragorn likes holes (and smials).

You are at Amon Hen. Do you:

Decide enough is enough and get Lurtz to put in a good word for you with Saruman.
Half drown Sam cos you like him a bit submissive.
Wait around for ages for Boromir to succumb to Ring Lust.
Wonder if there is a laundry on the other side of the river cos your clothes are filthy and you are sure to meet some nice girls over there.